Two Human Thighs and a Swimsuit

ONE WOMAN’S SEARCH FOR SELF-ACCEPTANCE

I thought I was a friend to myself. Then I spent a week in a swimsuit.

Turns out I’ve got some work to do.

Until last week, I thought I was able to relate to myself in a way that’s wholly accepting.

My thighs taught me I wasn’t.

How’d I know? Because when my friends and I did an impromptu photo shoot, I scrambled to hide my thighs. Until that point, I was perfectly fine.

So I was feeling good…but I had low self-acceptance.

This isn’t a surprise for anyone who was raised on a steady self-esteem diet of Project Charlie platitudes. Say it with me, : “YOU. ARE. SPECIAL.” (I still remember Mrs. Paulson boisterously leading us in that weekly chant.)

Project Charlie had lasting influence on us all, it seems. A quick search of Google Trends says “self-esteem” is overwhelmingly searched more often than self-worth, self-love, and self-acceptance.

But whereas self-esteem changes based on circumstances (like that crappy 20-something boyfriend who was present only when it suited him), self-acceptance is unconditional and stable. THIS is the liberation we’re seeking.

The science of self-acceptance is compelling, too. Here’s why (according to the research):

It’s the cornerstone of psychological wellbeing (with supportive links to depression, anxiety, disordered eating, and negative body image).
It makes people most happy—even compared to being positive, learning new things, and being part of something bigger.
While it’s our most powerful habit for life satisfaction/subjective wellbeing, it’s the habit we practice least.

When we’re self-accepting, we’re able to embrace all facets of ourselves (#teamthiccthighs)—not just the positive, more “esteem-able” parts. Sure—we can recognize our limitations, but this awareness in no way interferes with our ability to fully accept ourselves. Ahhhhh…sweet freedom.

You might be wondering, “Okay, Meghan…I buy it. But how do I gain self-acceptance?”

It’s a fair question, ...especially since you’re usually offered some version of, “You’ve just gotta love yourself.” Whenever I hear this, I always think “Well, duh! But, first, could I just [straighten my nose/get a six-pack/etc.]?” Loving yourself is such an abstract idea if no one’s ever guided you through how to do it.

“Love yourself more” asks you to believe something you currently don’t believe, so a more realistic and gentler approach is to practice “neutral thoughts.”

Let’s use the example of my own thigh-focused thoughts. It’s neither believable nor helpful for me to jump to “I love my curves"; instead, I can cultivate a new baseline by practicing the thought “I have human thighs.” (Is it too soon to say "superhuman" thighs?)

Neutral thoughts are just one tool in the toolkit of self-acceptance. Here’s an experiment with neutral thoughts you can try (it can be about any topic but since I was focused on my thighs earlier, I’ll stick with the body image theme):

Identify an area where you struggle with self-acceptance, in terms of your body.

Stand in front of a mirror in the morning and evening (doing this daily is ideal!), focusing on your eyes. (Remember to embrace being judgment-free about wrinkles, moles, and more.)

Look into your eyes with a willingness to see beyond the surface.

Say to yourself, “Hey there—you’re a human with human [body part].”

Next see yourself, more deeply, as the you of today, full of life’s experiences and lessons. Recognize that you’re perfectly imperfect.

Place your hands over your heart to extend yourself tenderness…for your struggles and your wisdom.

Say to yourself something like, “You’re okay. You’re doing okay.”

Let me know how it goes for you in the comments below!

Random aside: here’s an action shot of me swimming with whale sharks! Cool, huh?