TSL #011: A 3-Part Formula to Make Boundary-Setting Easier
Read time: 2 minutes 10 seconds
Clear is kind.
You've probably hear this adage before but it bears repeating.
Often, we struggle to advocate for our own needs (maybe even avoiding it altogether) because we think we're being unkind toward the other person(s).
This can result in misunderstandings, hurt feelings, frustrations, a denial of agency, and so much more.
But if I learned anything from my days of online dating 🤪, it's that we're kindest when we're clear about our intentions and needs. Because, generally speaking, we're all walking around mostly in our own heads…so hints seldom work as effectively as we think they will.
Which means we'd all be better served by established and holding boundaries more effectively, whether it's with work, relationships, or some other aspect of life.
This is especially true if you're strapped for time and energy. Which…like, who isn't these days?!
My client, Padma, recently put this reminder to the test at work, where she'd been avoiding a difficult conversation with a colleague who was slacking and, as a result, putting a bigger burden on Padma. She had only thought about such a conversation as a negative, potentially hostile situation.
When I helped Padma see how “clear is kind” was a natural extension of her values, she was able to approach the conversation with a stronger sense of self and a more aligned intention. Plus, I walked her through the anatomy of a boundary so that the entire process became a neutral experience, as opposed to an emotionally charged one.
WHAT TO DO
While I'll go further into detail about the anatomy of a better boundary during next weekend's live workshop (have you registered yet?), here's quick, three-part formula to help you start practicing yours:
I feel ___________________
When ________________________________.
I [want/need/expect] __________________________________.
Here's an example:
I felt (frustrated)
When (you didn’t pick up after yourself) because (I had to spend more time cleaning up after you).
I need (you to pick up after yourself before you leave a room).
So simple, right? Yet, not always easy.
Here's what a recent participant had to say: “I'm so grateful to Meghan for sharing easy, practical tips on how we can show up for ourselves in meaningful ways.”
Remember: clear is kind. Create the clarity you desire that'll give you back more time and energy for what matters most.
