#33: The Most Important Question
If you Google the Japanese term “Ikigai,” you’ll see a popular Venn diagram. The diagram features four prompts: what you love, what you’re good at, what you can be paid for, and what the world needs.
This image, while useful, doesn’t actually reflect the true meaning of ikigai. It’s a Westernized adaptation of ikigai that’s better referred to as the Purpose Venn diagram...NOT ikigai. Ikigai is simply your reason for being...the thing that gets you up in the morning, which may or may not have anything to do with your economic status or career. The concept of ikigai is both personal and social, and a bit closer to self-actualization with an understanding that the sum of small joys in everyday life results in a more fulfilling life as a whole.
By the way, I know this because I used to work with Dan Buettner and Blue Zones back in the mid-aughts, when we launched the Blue Zones book and helped popularize ikigai through our research into Okinawan longevity. It’s a good book if I do say so myself. You can’t see me but I’m patting myself on the back right now.
Back to that Purpose Venn diagram…
As I said, there are four prompts in the diagram--and they’re all helpful. But there’s another question to ask that’s missing. And I’d argue it’s even more important than the other four.
Especially if you’re trying to unlock your purpose.
This juicy question is, “What makes you come alive?”
I was first asked this question nearly a decade ago by a sage and mentor, Dr. Bill Manahan. I was in my mid-30s at the time and was struck that I’d never considered the idea before.
And I’m reminded of a favorite quote by Howard Thurman. “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
For too long, happiness has gotten top billing when aliveness, happiness’ older, wiser sister has been awaiting her turn to shine.
Now...I can appreciate that you might’ve been giving happiness top billing in your life. For years, happiness has been a widely popular topic of both popular and academic inquiry...TED Talks, books, online courses have all hacked happiness for us, time and time again.
But aliveness? Well, this is the juice of life.
First, I need to clarify that I’m not poo-pooing happiness. If you’re malcontent, then managing your mind to support your happiness more of the time is important work to do.
I’ve previously talked about the importance of emotional contrast before and that we don’t want to be happy all the time. And that our ability to allow and experience the full range of emotions helps create meaning in our lives. It’s what fuels our growth. It’s what makes us come alive.
Think about people in your life who seem fully alive. They’re pursuing new challenges...full of hope...living in curiosity and wonder.
You have this capacity, too. And it doesn’t rest with simply being happy. Because that’s just a matter of changing your thoughts.
Aliveness is about what the world is asking of you...not what the world needs but, rather, calling for what is distinctly and uniquely you.
And answering this call may require you to be with discomfort...to be willing to show up and be seen...to be willing to stretch your form of contribution to the world.
And I get it: this can seem overwhelming.
But it’s also precisely what helps us continue to grow. And this is fundamental to our wellbeing.
Being alive means entering the arena and allowing the full expanse of our capacity...our mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional capacity.
When we say yes more often, when we fall down more often, when we’re in pain more often, when we’re in ecstasy more often...then we can look back on our life to see how we’ve grown...to see how we’ve expanded our sense of what’s possible...not just for ourselves but also for the world around us.
This--quite literally--is how invention works.
Too many of us are dying physically because we’re seeking pleasure at our body’s expense.
And we’re dying mentally because we’re letting our minds go to waste consuming social media and streaming services.
So risk your comfort. Pursue what you’ve been yearning for. Listen to that inner voice guiding you in a particular direction. Tune into the thing that gets you up in the morning--your ikigai.
And, as you do this, consider the ratio of creation to consumption in your life. Choose to lean into your creative expression.
Stop pursuing happiness. And start unlocking your aliveness. Ask yourself, “What makes me come alive?
I’ll tell you one thing: wedding dances make me come alive.
In the meantime, if you enjoy reading this article, then stay tuned for the next several episodes to help you answer the question of “What makes me come alive?”
You may also like…
