#34:The Lifelong Process of Coming Alive
“If you can dream it, you can do it.” This self-fulfilling prophecy is the surest of all. Don’t worry--I’m not going to have you “live laugh love” ing all over your house.
But if you want to come alive...if you want to avoid waking up some time in the future and realizing that you’ve been living someone else’s version of the good life...then you need to look forward...to dream a little.
So ask yourself, “What does success with fulfillment – the good life – really look like to me?”
Then ask yourself, “Am I living in the place I love, with the people I love, doing the right work on purpose?”
Most of us accumulate “stuff” in our lives. We keep adding things and responsibilities until we get to a point where we can’t (or don’t want to) carry it anymore...mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically.
So what’s the solution? There are two parts. First, decide how much you’re really willing to carry. And, second, decide what goes and what stays.
I don’t have the acclaim of Marie Kondo but I can offer five pathways to help you dive into this work of coming alive.
First things first: coming alive is a lifelong process. It’s not just a reaction to a sense of disillusionment or frustration in your life. It requires ongoing reflection and choice...about your version of the good life and your priorities.
When you commit to coming alive, you’re willing to proactively ask and examine, “What’s brought me here? Am I still making life-giving choices? Or am I feeling weighed down like that entire drawer of jeans that no longer fit?”
I suspect these questions resonate for you, as they do for me. And while I’m not yet ready to donate all of my jeans, I do have a few strategies for asking and answering what makes you come alive that we’ll dive into.
1. REFLECT: Reflect once a day.
If your brain is perpetually filled with noise and chatter...if your heart and mind feel numb, then you’re exhibiting the symptoms of “hurry sickness.”
What’s the antidote to this modern-day affliction of “always going somewhere, while never being anywhere”? Daily time-outs. Appointments with yourself.
Have you created daily time to be alone? The old adage “you have to take time to make time” is true. Even 3 minutes a day can work wonders. I see this in my work with health care professionals, who are always amazed at the transformative power of a short, 3-minute moment of restoration amid a busy schedule of caregiving. It could be as simple as taking three deep breaths or stretching; it doesn’t need to be an elaborate time-out. But ask yourself, “Am I living my vision of the good life today?”
I like to think I’ve been ahead of my time in giving myself time-outs...going all the way back to kindergarten in 1983. I recall a day in Mrs. Thorstad’s class when I chose to live my best life by faking being asleep on my carpet square. I had seen another kid fall asleep and be granted the freedom to lay there for extra time while the rest of us moved on to an activity. Inspired, I waited a few days so my ruse wouldn’t be so obvious...and then chose to fake falling asleep so I could enjoy extra quiet time to myself, too. It seems I was destined for well-being and life coaching career, don’t you think?
2. CONNECT: Create your sounding board.
Consider the life-giving relationships that have sustained you throughout life. Who have you relied on for counsel and inspiration? Most of us can trace our successes to pivotal support from other people.
I invite you to create your own personal board of directors, even if it’s just in your mind. Picture yourself at a board meeting with these people. You’re all around the table. As you sit there, what questions would you like to bring before the board? How would you like them to react and what kind of support are you looking for? They all have one thing in common – your well-being!
If you decide to make your sounding board a reality, and not just in your mind, then this approach is a two-fer because you’ve got opportunities for social connection AND you’re creating the conditions to be in action, instead of procrastinating. When you elect a Sounding Board, they’ll bolster your bias for action.
3. EXPLORE: Cultivate your curiosity.
To be alive is to live at your growth edges...to follow your curiosity. Curiosity creates aliveness.
The key to boosting your curiosity skills is exploration. Identify an interest or an experience you’d like to know more about. What intrigues you? Why? Prepare a list of three questions that can satisfy your curiosity about that pursuit. Then research it. Notice what grabs your interest. Choose one small step forward you will take within the next month to explore your curiosities weekly, if not daily.
4. CHOOSE: Rediscover your hidden gifts.
Here’s the thing: life, at its most basic, is about creating. Yes, your talents or gifts are the creative core of your life. And, if you’re like most people, you might be downplaying your talents...making up stories about how you don’t have any of you don’t know what they are.
But toss your humility aside for a moment and ask yourself, “What are my natural gifts?” And then be honest in assessing whether you’re expressing your gifts fully. And, if not, how can you?
The peak of vitality is flow, and flow is often found where gifts and passions meet. We use our gifts on things we deeply care about until we’re fully absorbed, mentally and physically, which is one component of living the good life...or being fully alive. Choose one activity in which you have felt flow – you know, that feeling of complete absorption that allowed you to lose yourself in the experience. Write down three words that describe the experience you got from it.
If you’re still scratching your head about what your gifts may be, then let’s talk. Set up a free consult with me at meghankrause.com
5. ACT: Reframe your time boundaries.
Here’s the punchline, folks: Aliveness comes from fulfilling time – not filling time.
I’ve stated before that time is a finite resource, which means that you need to create a new relationship with time. Without a daily practice of time ownership, your autopilot is in charge. The excuses – too much work, no money, parenting, and/or caregiving responsibilities don’t fly when we own our own time. Emancipate yourself from your email and cell phone and social media to take back more time for life priorities. Embrace free moments over mindless connectivity.
While lock-downs and such forced many of us to unpack our calendars, consider how you might ensure this practice continues. Review how you’re spending your time. Are you satisfied with how you’re spending it? When was the last time you went to sleep at night saying, “this was a well-spent day”? Are you consistently saying “no” to the less important things in your life and “yes” to your top priorities? Choose one priority and act on it, today.
So let’s now do another sesh of “Midlife in Real Life,” where I share personal experiences that might resonate with you.
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to take a road trip to Galena, IL, for a friend’s wedding. First things first: no, I didn’t pull a hammie during the wedding dance. I promised in last week’s episode that I'd report back. I definitely earned a few blisters on my feet, though, because the band was the best wedding band I’ve ever heard and I danced for 3 hours in heels. And remember: this is me wearing heels post-pandemic, so my dogs were definitely barking. But it was so worth it. Plus, I made the trip with two friends...and we made a couple of impromptu stops to see the baseball field for the movie Field of Dreams, as well as a drive through the Driftless region, which is so beautiful, for a pit stop at my friend’s alma mater.
I didn’t realize how much I was craving this experience, given the past year and a half. And it reminded me of social connections being a priority--and needing to act on them. I’d fallen into a lull in my own life of not organizing any kind of social outing--whether it’s virtual or in-person. And I definitely feel more alive with more intentional connections with loved ones.
But what makes me come alive is undoubtedly different than what makes you come alive. As you undertake this discovery journey, remember...
When you’re giving your gifts in support of something you truly care about, you feel more energetic, more committed, and more enthusiastic about everything you do.
But your gifts develop in the crucible of purpose. We’re led to believe that the big choices we make will determine a purposeful life – the work we go into, the awards we win – but it’s actually the purpose moments, the small daily choices, that create a sense of having fully lived. How we name and claim our purpose – our reason for getting up every single day – determines whether we look back later on the richness of our life – or with regret.
Have you named your purpose? If not, what can you do to reclaim it? If you’re looking for guidance on this, let’s connect. I’ve got resources to support you.
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