#7: How to Know If You're Experiencing Burnout

Today, I’m talking about burnout.

Have you ever been just OVER IT?
You know...that, “Omg if you put one more thing on my plate I'm going to scream” type of feeling?
Being told for decades you could “have it all,” you now realize your pursuit of “having it all” is futile and...worse...has likely contributed to your burnout?

Yeah...I know exactly how you feel. I've been there, too.

Quarantine has exacerbated burnout for so many people. According to the American Psychological Association, we’re facing a national mental health crisis that could yield serious health and social consequences for years to come.

In this article, I’m going to cover:

What burnout is
How you might recognize it
What’s really happening to you during burnout
How prevalent it is (the all-important, “you are not alone” part)
The simplest way to identify whether you’re experiencing burnout

Having come out the other side of it myself--and through working with a lot of clients who experience it...and, more recently, a lot of health care clinicians and nurses who are in the throes of it during the COVID pandemic--I’ve got some insights to share.

This time of year, a lot of people contemplate fresh starts. A calendar date gives us cultural permission to consider what we’d like to be and do differently, like making a career change. Some want to burn it all down; others want to feel more lit up. Wherever you land on this spectrum, the unique circumstances of our pandemic and related quarantine are likely contributing additional heaviness and challenges to your life.

Despite several months of acclimating to a new reality and the societal upheaval spurred by the COVID-19 pandemic, we Americans are struggling to cope with the disruptions it has caused. Nearly 4 in 5 adults say the coronavirus pandemic is a significant source of stress in their life... and, honestly, I’ve got questions for that 5th person. And, 2 in 3 adults say they’ve experienced increased stress over the course of the pandemic.

When considering the physical and emotional toll of increased stress, nearly half of adults (49%) report their behavior has been negatively affected. Most commonly, they report increased tension in their bodies (21%), “snapping” or getting angry very quickly (20%), unexpected mood swings (20%), or screaming or yelling at a loved one (17%).

Does any of this sound familiar? “Is this burnout?” you might wonder through a clenched jaw.

Let me answer this by first sharing a client story with you…
Jessica (not my client’s real name) has been suffering for several months from a persistent lack of energy and increasing fatigue. Shortly after getting up, Jessica would already want to lie down again. However, since she has to make sure her two kids are ready for another day of distance learning during a pandemic and then spend the day on Zoom calls at her high-powered corporate job, she’s resorted to keeping herself awake by any means. She drinks lots of coffee throughout the day...she’ll occasionally try to replenish her energy with a vitamin drink or even soda. But these offer short-term benefits, at best. Financially, she’s secure but could certainly be doing better as she considers the cost of college tuition a few years down the road. Her husband isn’t much of a help most days, which frustrates Jessica.

Since the beginning of the pandemic, her parents haven’t been able to step in to offer support because they must protect their health. Her mom was recently hospitalized for COVID and is now in a senior care facility as she recovers. And with all of the social and political unrest of the past several months, Jessica’s exhaustion has increased even further, and her sleep issues have worsened.

At Jessica’s annual review, her boss suggests she could have better focus and presence during meetings. After this, Jessica’s panic attacks creep in, accompanied by the feeling that she can no longer cope with it all. She thinks she’s failed and is increasingly ashamed of her lack of energy and listlessness towards her children, her partner, and her former pleasures.

Gradually, and going almost unnoticed, Jessica distances herself more and more from friends and colleagues. No more Zoom sessions with friends. No more group text conversations, either. It takes a long time until Jessica admits to herself that she needs professional help to be able to cope with everyday life and her experiences again.

Does any of Jessica’s story resonate with you? If so, you might be experiencing burnout.

So let’s begin by getting clear on what, exactly, constitutes burnout. I’m a sucker for a good definition!
Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.

Here’s what it feels like: you just can’t take on one more thing. You have no more emotional bandwidth.
Here’s what it sounds like: “If I can just control life a little more, everything will look better.”

In May 2019, the World Health Organization updated the definition of burnout as: “resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.” While this new definition is raising the awareness of burnout and strengthening its link to work, I contend that no matter the situation, burnout can occur if you’re lacking the awareness as to what all that stress is doing to you. And, further, the focus on “work” and “workplace” in a traditional sense ignore important sources of stress and burnout ESPECIALLY for a gig economy and the systematically unacknowledged work of women. But I digress - though, righteously.

There are three dimensions to burnout:

Overwhelming exhaustion
Feelings of cynicism and detachment from the job
Sense of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment

The significance of this three‐pronged model is that it clearly places your individual stress experience within a larger social context.

Now that you know what constitutes burnout, let’s talk about how you might recognize it within yourself or loved ones.

Before we dive into the signs and symptoms, it’s important to mention that burnout is progressive in nature. People typically start with one or two of the following identifiers, and it gradually builds up from there. So listen closely to determine what rings true for you...because you don’t have to have all of these signs for you to be experiencing actual burnout. You can have subsets of them, which are good signs your bodymind is trying to tell you something. So I’m going to give you these handy dandy checklists, but even if bullet point clarity is your jam--don’t let them be the whole story.

First, there are the physical signs:

Feeling tired and drained most of the time
Lowered immunity, frequent illnesses
Frequent headaches
Muscle pain
Change in appetite
Stomach or bowel problems
Change in sleep habits

And then there are emotional signs:

Sense of failure and self-doubt
Feeling helpless, trapped, and defeated
Detachment, feeling alone in the world
Loss of motivation
Increasingly cynical and negative outlook
Decreased satisfaction and sense of accomplishment

Our physical and emotional changes lead to behavioral changes in our daily life:

Withdrawing from responsibilities
Isolating yourself from others
Procrastinating, taking longer to get things done
Using food, drugs, or alcohol to cope
Taking out your frustrations on others
Skipping work or coming in late and leaving early

Whew! All kinds of fun, no? These lists illustrate that burnout is really a delicate interplay between external and internal factors. If you nod in agreement to all or most of these signs, the alarm bells should be going off, and it might be better not to hit snooze again. These questions take the concept of normal “stress” to the next level, and quieting the noise for a few extra minutes of ignorance doesn’t mean burnout isn’t there when you wake up.

Let’s now talk about what’s really happening to you during burnout.

As I mentioned earlier, burnout is the result of long-term stress. That’s the simplest explanation. It’s not necessarily stress you’re aware of; it can be--and often is--insidious.

They don’t all have to be internal stressors...like negative self-talk, the pressure you put on yourself to succeed, or perfectionism. They can be external, too...like needing to care for family members, having an unreasonable boss/manager, living in a freakin’ global pandemic.

What’s often missing from the burnout conversation is that there are actual physical changes that are happening in your body and part of recovering from burnout is healing those changes while you address the situations and mindsets that go along with them.

So, what’s happening physically during burnout? Well, here are the basics:

Your brain is overwhelmed and starts to shrink. Not by much! Don’t worry! These changes can make it hard for you to manage new stress, control your emotional responses, have good spatial awareness, feel connected to family, friends, and peers, and remember the right words at the right times.
Cortisol levels go up, and adrenals get fatigued. Adrenal fatigue is no longer a buzzword, though it remains a contentious name. It’s become a normal part of the vernacular in the alternative healthcare world, but in allopathic medicine, the term would be HPA-Axis Dysfunction. It basically means that your adrenals have been pumping out cortisol (the stress hormone) for too long and are wiped out. Here are the common signs: feeling slightly depressed, having a weak immune system that leads to lots of colds and flus, being tired all day and then wired when you try to sleep, changes to your menstrual cycle, an afternoon crash (that 3pm-4pm nap is a THING, for sure), and weight gain around the middle.
Your gut bacteria (the good stuff that keeps you healthy and helps you digest and absorb well) gets smashed. All the studies show the same thing: your gut bacteria is negatively affected by long-term stress. In the short term, and with a good diet, the bacteria is able to recover quickly after a stressful event. When the stress is hanging around all the time, though, the gut bacteria fails to recover as quickly and usually, the quality of the diet decreases, and the cycle begins.

One way of understanding this slow process of burning out is through the concept of allostatic load. Allostatic load refers to your body’s ability to maintain homeostasis in the face of stressors...and to return to optimal functioning after it’s stressed. When we’re able to gather again, keep this in your pocket for a dinner party conversation starter!
Our bodies and brains initiate certain biological processes in response to stressors. These processes help us to fight, flight, freeze or fawn...and then return to a calm state following that stress. Over time, if these biological processes are constantly overtaxed, then our “allostatic load” is said to be high, and our body and brains become less effective at responding to stress or threat and calming down once a threat has passed.
A shorthand way to think about this is: your allostatic load is your FREAK OUT FACTOR. When your allostatic load is too high, you freak out at things you normally wouldn’t.

This can often be a part of an individual’s experience of burnout.

Did you just definitely make a face and recall snapping at your dog/kids/partner/two-party political system? If it’s any consolation, take heart that you’re not alone.

Burnout really is an epidemic--at least 1 in 2 Americans are reporting significant stress. More than 3 in 4 Americans are reporting moderate stress. People everywhere are running on empty and not giving themselves any time to refuel and replenish. Not only is this an uncomfortable way to live, but it can have damaging effects on your health.

The WHO says burnout is a serious work issue, as the pace and complexity of our work environments have rapidly changed. And it’s no surprise that women report higher levels of burnout than men. One study identified gender inequalities in the workplace as a key element that’s affecting occupational mental health. Women were found to have lower levels of decision-making authority and were often overqualified for their roles, which ultimately leads to less satisfaction at work and a sense that they have fewer career alternatives.
I’d estimate that 1 in 3 to 1 in 4 of my clients--of any gender--are expressing some symptoms of burnout. These clients have moved beyond the occasional bout of being “stressed out” and into chronic stress, where they struggle to assess their situation clearly, and they often end up beating themselves up for not being good enough.

SIGNATURE SEGMENT: MIDLIFE IN REAL LIFE

Okay, let’s do another installment of “Midlife in Real Life.”

One client of mine, Stephanie, was a senior director in a Fortune 500 company, who’d been truly passionate about her work, and realized she was burned out. After years of tirelessly committing her time to the business, one day, she struggled to simply listen to her CEO while chatting with her in her office. Imagine that Charlie Brown teacher “wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah” voice...that’s what she said it was like.

Stephanie felt exhausted when she woke up each morning. And she just wanted to stay home, make nachos, and watch Golden Girls reruns. I mean, to be honest, I think a lot of us could relate to Stephanie...the Golden Girls were ahead of their time.
But Stephanie’s experience is unfortunately not unusual. My clients often have the reputation of being driven and passionate. Yet, over time, they feel overwhelmed and struggle to identify what’s wrong. But when they ignore signals and symptoms of burnout along the way--hitting that snooze button and explaining it away--they end up in a stage of burnout that’s impossible to ignore and tough to recover from. Sometimes, I hear them contemplate leaving their job just to find some sense of inner peace. And sometimes, they don’t make changes until they end up with a serious health diagnosis. This is why it’s so important to get help early.
As a midlife transition coach who works with all genders, but especially women in middle and upper management, it’s fairly typical for me to see the sad, worried eyes of my coaching clients as the “aha” moment hits, and they realize: “I have burnout.”

It’s a slow-rolling, almost insidious knowing….that usually begins with negative self-talk along the lines of “I just need to work harder. What’s wrong with me?”

As our work continues, my clients begin to feel more comfortable sharing their feelings of exhaustion and lack of energy. They feel all of the weight--mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical--mounting in their lives. In life at large...but especially for the work they once loved.

But their plight--their dissatisfaction--isn’t always freely shared as many choose instead to maintain their status quo because they’ve become so accustomed to their outwardly appearing comfortable life.

That’s when I lean into my coaching skills to help them arrive at their own innate wisdom. It’s possible to turn that self-critical voice into one that encourages and recognizes the power within.

In the case of Stephanie, she was able to arrive at newfound clarity, develop some supportive practices, shift her mindset, and more. I’m proud to say she’s once again thriving...and she still makes time for those Golden Girl reruns (I mean...can you really have it all?!). Smart woman.
Remember the signs and symptoms I shared at the start? Those are how you know whether you’re experiencing burnout.

But there’s an even simpler way. While there are validated inventories to assess burnout--like the Maslach Burnout Inventory--researchers have validated a single-item survey that answers whether people are burnt out. Ready for it? Grab your pen and paper. The item is, and I quote, “I feel burned out from my work.” This has been validated and is a free, non-proprietary measure, by the way. I’m not stealing from the very important research of Dr. Christine Maslach.

If this single phrase--”I feel burned out from my work”--resonates with you, then you’re likely burnt out.

Other questions to consider answering for yourself include:

Do you feel more edgy or hopeless? How many sweaters are in a heap next to your bed as you raged against waist-up fashion for your 348th Zoom of the month?
Do you find it hard to concentrate? It’s okay to start this podcast over now.
Do you drag yourself to work and have trouble getting started? Did you only make it to waist up fashion before that first Zoom? Remember: don’t stand up, don’t stand up, don't stand up...
Have you become irritable or impatient with your co-workers, customers or clients? NO...HAVE YOU?!
Do you no longer feel joy from things that used to bring you joy? I don’t even have a zinger here, folx - this is tough, and sometimes hard to notice unless we’re looking. Do you not put on the red lipstick anymore? Maybe ditching the book club more often than not? Foregoing cooking for another frozen pizza?

If these resonate with you, I’m glad you’re here. If you are experiencing these things, consider talking to a doctor--could be an MD or a naturopath. Or talk with a mental health provider, because these symptoms can also be related to health conditions such as depression. You may wish to also connect with a national board-certified health and wellbeing coach...like yours truly.
I’ve worked in wellbeing for nearly 20 years and, as we saw earlier, the trend is definitely NOT in our favor...burnout or body hair. The first step to addressing it is awareness. Which can often be the hardest part, because we can be so tough on ourselves (seriously, we are the WORST) and we’re often unwilling to reflect on our own behavior.

We tend to want to brush off any type of burnout warning sign, telling ourselves we just need to work harder and smarter. And so we press on. But when we can open up to our body’s innate wisdom, it’ll help us and protect us. We just need to create the space to do so.

If this is something you’re interested in exploring for yourself, then join the waitlist for the next enrollment of School of Midlife. Inside, I’ll help you go from burnt out to lit up for your career and your life. You can get on the list by going to meghankrause.com/schoolofmidlife.

In the meantime, stay tuned for next week when I dive into the causes of burnout...and the unique factors for anyone in early midlife right now.

Let’s connect next week!