The Upside of Those Voices in Your Head
"I talk to myself more than I listen to myself," said Dr. James Gills, a super-accomplished surgeon who's published more than 180 medical articles, edited or authored eight medical textbooks, competed in 46 marathons (including 18 Boston marathons), completed 14 mountain terrain endurance events of 100 miles or more, and run in nearly 20 assorted races of 50 miles or more, completed six Double Iron Triathlons within the 36-hour maximum time frame, and completed five Hawaii Ironman Triathlon World Championships...oh, and raised six children.
Ummm. Are you kidding me?!?
I'll gladly pick up whatever wisdom this guy's throwing down.
I recently shared this exact phrase--"I talk to myself more than I listen to myself"--with a client. He was wondering about how to work through the complicated feelings of a breakup. As a coach, I'm not in the business of giving advice; I did, however, share that this perspective has been helpful for me. He agreed.
Many of us know a thing or two about difficult feelings in relationships (and I’m not just talking about what to do on a date after you’ve eaten too much of that enchilada). In the case of my big breakup, I wasn’t armed with this advice…or any self-coaching tools. As a result, I did a lot more listening to my brain than talking to it. For months, I listened for any reason why I couldn’t be/do/have what I wanted for my life. “What’s that, Meghan? You want some advice? Okay, just remember: you’re listless.”
From dating to career to family relations to body image to [insert any area of life], the biggest thing holding us back in life is our habit of listening to our brain when it tells us all the reasons it thinks we can’t be the person we want to be.
This is why listening to your brain is so damn painful…and suffocating!
In contrast, talking to your brain looks like petting your reptilian (lizard) brain instead of believing it and freaking out over it.
When your lizard brain says you can’t ask for a promotion because you’re not experienced enough? Pet it and tell it you’re going to ask anyway.
When your lizard brain tells you you’ll never find love so you might as well quit the dating apps now? Pet it and tell it you’re going to swipe anyway.
When your lizard brain says you can’t run that 10K because “What will people say about how slow I run?” Pet it and tell it you’re going to run anyway.
This approach sounds trite: “Okay, Meghan. Just keep blathering on. Eventually, you'll clue into a message that resonates.”
But the alternative? Well that’s as exhausting as that ridiculous Lucy Lucy Apple Juice story on this season of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. #overit
Here’s the punchline: When you listen to your brain, you believe all of your unintentional thoughts and let them tell you what you can think or do or feel or be. But when you talk to your brain, you manage your thoughts and tell your brain what’s possible for you.
Imagine how everything would change if you talked to your brain more than you listened to it.
Spend this week experimenting with this practice...explore how talking to yourself more than you listen influences your life. And let me know how it goes for you in the comments below.
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