#42: Understanding Big “P” and Little “P” Purpose
I just searched “find my purpose” and found about 13.6 billion results. It’s a timely topic in these pandemic times, right?
Many of us struggle to answer the question, “What should I be doing with my life?” “What’s my life really about?”
Some of us uncover our life’s direction early in life. But most of us grapple with trial and error as we go through life. The volume on the urgency button seems to turn way up somewhere in our 40s. Thus, the Google results.
Do you ever think that “Big P” Purpose just isn’t for you? If yes, you’re in good company. When I speak with individuals and groups about the reality that there are two types of purpose, they take a deep breath, maybe a sigh of relief, and offer a quick smile. Why?
In life, there’s both “Big P” Purpose and “small p” purpose. While “Big P” Purpose connects us with a cause, it’s often daunting. Meanwhile, “small p” purpose is just as worthy and valuable...it’s just on a smaller scale. “Small p” purpose makes a daily contribution to others. Not every act must save the world to be noble and meaningful.
This is the sigh of relief that I observe in others. Like, “Okay, Meghan. I can get on board with this because, honestly, just managing my family’s monthly calendar is daunting enough.”
So let’s dive into the distinctions between “Big P” Purpose and “small p” purpose a bit further… I’ll share a bit about my own experience to illustrate.
Purpose is Both a Path and a Practice
My “Big P” Purpose is “helping people live what matters most.” Whether popularizing the Blue Zones of the world, where people enjoy the healthiest longevity...or producing the first-ever green party at the Super Bowl...or launching the first-ever natural products industry’s rewards program...or helping health care workers prevent, manage, and even reverse chronic disease and perceived stress levels during a pandemic (yes...can you believe it? And this work is being featured at the American College of Lifestyle Medicine’s annual conference)...this “Big P” has changed very little throughout my professional career. My “small p” purpose is to “make midlife merry and manageable...with a side of good mischief.” And that has evolved and continues to as I age...as body hair continues to confound me...as perimenopause enters the arena...and so much more.
You see, purpose--big or small--is both a path and a practice. How can this be the case? Well, because it answers: “How can I make a contribution here...now... at this moment?” And, too often, we lose sight of the big impact of these small opportunities. Think about it like this: you have 1440 “small p” purpose moments every single day in which you can make your contribution.
Unlocking Your “small p” purpose
Each of us is called to contribute in many significant ways throughout our life. Often, we’ll discover several things we’re passionate about and are rewarding. Sometimes we’ll be paid for this. But more often we’ll do what we love for free because it's fulfilling.
For example, I have a special fondness for the elderly. This first materialized when I worked as a certified nursing assistant at a nursing home as a summer job after my sophomore year of college. I had no intentions of being a healthcare professional--I just needed a summer job. That opportunity awakened within me an appreciation of the wisdom of my elders and also opened my eyes to the types of societal indifference so many faces.
In the last few years, I got to spend time with my grandmother who died earlier this year at age 97, nearly 98. We’d sing together, I’d listen to her stories, and as she became more addled with dementia, I simply offered her a comforting presence. I also spent time with an elderly neighbor and family friend who became frail and needed help with minor day-to-day needs. This meant preparing and enjoying dinner with him, singing together, watching TV, and spending overnights at his house so he felt more secure at home. And, sure, in a way, you could say this aligns with my “Big P” Purpose but it really carries out my “small p” purpose.
This distinction matters because there’s so much talk about finding purpose and that it has to be a big cause. Yes, cause matters...it’s one of the three key ways of making meaning in our lives: our “me” story, our “we” story, and our “thee” story. Cause is “thee” story. So, yes, “Big P” Purpose matters.
Often, though, purpose--both big and small--has a way of finding us rather than the other way around. We may only see it dimly amid the din of responsibilities, or just catch glimpses from time to time through our social interactions, or stumble into it after too many Netflix binges, but it’s there. This is where we need to do some reflection to unlock those things that will bring the most meaning to our lives.
So what’s your “small p” purpose? Remember: purpose is unlocked, rather than found and discovered. It might be as simple as the universal default purpose I’ve shared before: “To grow and give.” Or, to make a difference in one person’s life, today.
To unlock your “small p” purpose, here are the essentials:
1. purpose is a verb
What did I do today that was boring, tedious, and draining my energy?
What did I do today that I enjoyed, and found rewarding and energizing?
2. purpose is a path
Am I staying true to myself? Know what’s really important to you and those values and beliefs you will not compromise, no matter what.
Stay curious and engaged in life. Priorities change, but don’t withdraw from life.
3. purpose is a practice
What’s my reason to get up in the morning? Does my purpose enlarge me or diminish me?
Am I giving back to my friends, family, and/or colleagues generously and compassionately? Compassion is the soul of purpose.
The Choice is Yours...Really
Your life begins twice: the day you’re born and the day you accept the challenge that your life is essentially yours to choose. The choice is yours, and if you’re not exercising that choice, someone else is choosing it for you.
Think of the “to do”s in your email inbox that robs you of your priorities. This is why I coach. While my graduate study in population health informs my systemic analysis of the world, my double board-certified training as a coach informs work that helps you awaken to, and live out new possibilities.
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