TSL #007: How To Start Redefining Your Relationship With Recognition And Status
Read time: 2 minutes 45 seconds
I invite you to close your eyes and think of a time when you felt deep, genuine satisfaction: an everyday moment of purpose and/or joy with someone you care about or with making a difference for others.
How did this experience make you feel? Satisfaction is one word that likely comes to mind.
So many of us long for the deep, lasting satisfaction that comes from these types of experiences. But satisfaction isn't something we innately have. We must learn it. And amid the din of social media and “AI everything,” it'll take trial and error, hard work, and determination to do so.
Without question, the satisfaction learning curve can be steep. And if you're somewhere in the ages of 35 to 55, that curve has a U-shape…and you're statistically toward the bottom of it. ("Can't get no satisfaction" is more than a Stones lyric.)
But it's not just a midlife phenomenon. Our unhealthy enoughness narratives have a lifetime of perfecting behind them. We were taught during our formative years to look for satisfaction in all the wrong places (another trophy, anyone?). But that doesn't leave us without choice.
And wouldn't many more moments of satisfaction be worth it?
One way to practice what I call “learned satisfaction” is to reexamine your relationship with recognition and status.
Trophy culture aside, admiration from those we respect feels understandably gratifying. The esteem of others has a way of making us feel unique and prized. A prestigious social circle, far-reaching influence, and the accolades that come with success can be intoxicating.
Meanwhile, social media has strapped a jetpack to this truth by providing the instant gratification of perceived fame and status. Followers, clicks, likes, and shares have become a dark currency that brokers prestige in an endless drip of fleeting notoriety.
But when our enjoyment of perceived importance degenerates to an insatiable craving for it, we've entered into “hungry ghost” mode…often resorting to attention-seeking behaviors to keep the steady drip of admiration flowing. #Thirstraps
In between the dopamine hits, we question our inherent value, whether we're actually lovable beyond the self-image we've created, and whether all the admiration is sincere.
If this sounds like you, the good news is that there's a better way forward.
WHAT TO DO
Here's a set of questions to start redefining your relationship with recognition and status…
In what ways do I regularly seek out recognition from important people?
Do I spend excessive time monitoring my status on social media?
Do I resent it when others get recognition I feel I deserve more?
Do I privately question how much I'm loved, or doubt my inherent worth as a person?
Do I try to manipulate conversations (humble brags, name-drops, one-ups) to impress others and invite praise?
How have I defined “enough” recognition and status?
To be clear, I'm not suggesting that money, achievement, and recognition are inherently bad or wrong. They can fuel a lot of good in the world. But when our satisfaction hinges on them, we've tarnished their good and turned them against us. No matter how much money, achievement, or recognition we garner, the satisfaction they deliver will be short lived, keeping us on an unending hedonic treadmill.
