#1: The Truth About Midlife

Midlife is an oft stereotyped, more oft-misunderstood but ultimately transformative, rich, and wonderful part of life...if we’re open to it and we do some work.

Talking about midlife, and how to get out of that midlife rut so many of us naturally find ourselves in, is what I do...and, really, it’s who I am.

I found this calling digging out from black mold-related illness, chronic fatigue, autoimmune disease flare-up, the ending of a long-term relationship, career discontent, and in a “is this really my life?” funk.

My passion for turning the midlife crisis narrative is rooted in the pages of psychology, neuroscience, and various other textbooks but also in the pages from my own life story…from my own “Is this all there is?” moment.

As a Midlife Transition Coach and Educator, I help people navigate life transitions with greater meaning, purpose, and skill. To get here, I traded teaching in higher ed, running New York City media tours, growing the natural products industry, and serving as a wellbeing director – stuff that looked good, that looked successful and sexy – for helping people in early midlife actually enjoy a more satisfying life on their terms.

People who are done trying to have it all… want to enjoy it all…
People who want to eliminate boxes instead of checking them
People who are ready to reclaim their lives after decades of setting aside their dreams…
People who maybe aren’t yet sure what they want for their lives but know their current arrangement isn’t working…
People who’ve felt frustrated by what seems like nothing going their way…
People who are suddenly plopped into a world they didn’t imagine for themselves and need to figure out what to do...
People who want to move beyond the stuff that doesn’t just look good but feels meaningful...intentional...aligned...and satisfying.
People who want to eliminate the cluttered interior design of their mind in favor of a more considered and aligned and fulfilling lifestyle

WHAT MIDLIFE REALLY IS

What do we mean by midlife? Boomer, Gen X, Gen Y, Gen Z…there is brisk business traded in generational shade these days. But midlife isn’t a generation, it’s a real, researched phase of life, with an age span generally recognized from 35-65. It’s a period where proven social-emotional growth and change of all types takes place.

No different than adolescence – except maybe less acne and first-dance awkwardness. No one is sitting you down for “the talk”. As a society, we acknowledge the importance and the formative nature of adolescence. There are a LOT of books/studies/resources to help navigate adolescence. Did you have that book, “What’s happening to my body?”

What if we acknowledge midlife as our Middlescence? And gave it just as much attention and resource?
If we helped one another navigate and ultimately take advantage of this period of life?

In some ways that feel revolutionary. Yet, it shouldn’t.

What do you think about when you hear the word “midlife”? What does that term conjure for you? If this was Family Feud, what do you think the #1 answer would be on that board?

CRISIS. We’ve been conditioned to link midlife and crisis.

If you tell me your mind doesn’t pull up sports cars and some caricature of a hot young secretary or beefcake pool boy, I’d call you a liar to your face. It’s ridiculous really when we say it out loud, not to mention rife with all sorts of problematic cultural stereotypes…but how many times has that storyline played out on TV, in the movies, or in literature?

I’m here to shift how we think about and support navigating midlife transitions – to create a bullshift – that cuts through…well…the bullSHIT that dominates our cultural narrative about midlife...and, more importantly, dominates the lies we tell ourselves.

I’m here to both breeze past--and totally dismantle–the stereotype of the midlife crisis to instead give you real-life, usable resources to master your midlife. Because when you really think about it, there isn’t a car, no matter how cool, that fills that “is this all there is?” void. People are more complicated than that Range Rover...and thank goodness, right?

Going back to stereotypes, they’re useful. A stereotype is “...a fixed, over-generalized belief about a particular group and the use of stereotypes is a major way in which we simplify our social world” and it’s natural to want to make things simple when they feel complex. The complex can be distressing, and wanting to avoid distress is natural.

MIDLIFE MALAISE

There’s a kernel of truth in the stereotype of the midlife crisis, and if we make the effort to dissect it a bit, what we’re really looking at is a midlife malaise.

Malaise is:

Gentler than a crisis--fewer “sirens and bright lights”--but it really illustrates how quietly and almost sneakily that “meh” feeling can sink in and make itself at home.
While you’re likely not experiencing the stereotypical midlife crisis, you ARE experiencing a modern midlife malaise or suffering in a way that looks quite a bit different but is no less painful...that’s much more nuanced but much less discussed.

What does that midlife meh sound and feel like?

It sounds like…“I’m running myself ragged but I don’t really have anything to show for it.” “Whew. I’m exhausted. I’m irritated. Can I just run away from it all?” “Is this all there is? Am I really doing what I’m supposed to be doing in my life?” Sound familiar?
It feels like you’re living in a place of self-doubt, fear, confusion, overload, or that sensation of being stuck. Can you relate?

But there’s good news. In midlife, you’re presented with the opportunity to reimagine what’s next for you, to renegotiate your purpose, to refocus your relationships, to refresh how you support your health, and to reframe the way you think about the world and, more importantly, yourself. And while this is true at any stage of life--because we’re constantly navigating transitions throughout our entire lives--it’s particularly pointed during midlife when you might feel pulled in so many directions.

Think of this as a time of growth and renewal. “Mid”…it means there is stuff behind you AND stuff ahead of you. It’s life half-unlived, not half-lived.

A full-blown crisis only occurs with roughly 10% of the population. But a palpable dip in happiness and satisfaction? The bottom of the Happiness U-Curve? Those are real!

I loathe the word “normal”, but it’s a shortcut to say that midlife malaise is actually a scientifically proven period of social and emotional growth where we bottom out on the ol’ happiness u-curve of life. It’s not unique...nor is it bad. Good news, right?

WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR MIDLIFE MALAISE?

What if you responded to this dip and the echo of “Is this all there is?” coming back at you from those u-sides with curiosity and openness and, most importantly, with the resources to craft your answer and enjoy a more satisfying life on YOUR terms?

Do we generally bounce back from our meh? Yes! Generally, yes. Are you willing to wait 10, 15, 20 years to get there? OR would it be worth climbing out yourself? But not alone, of course, I’m here!

So yes--you can turn that U-curve into a YOU-swerve! This time of life is confusing and great and hard and funny and that is all A-OK. Because we can talk and laugh, and be in the community around it and we can also put in a little work to make this time of transition even better...and YOU get to define better.

Truth is, I wouldn’t coach people through midlife transitions, through their bullshifts, and into dream jobs at California vineyards – that’s a real client by the way, and she’ll come up again – if it wasn’t fun and if I didn’t get to help my clients be their own best yeasayers for themselves. It’s true: my certainty is greater than your doubt.

To recap, you are in your midlife. I am in my midlife.

Midlife can feel difficult, and have us wondering to ourselves, “Is this all there is?” or “Is the best behind me?” or “Now this, too?” But you don’t have to succumb to the myth of crisis, you can grab the midlife bull by the midlife horns and yell “HELL NO, IT’S NOT.”

And then you can keep tuning into Bullshift. Joining me as I drop insights, science, techniques, resources, and maybe occasional jokes – guaranteed both good and bad -- for creating a more satisfying midlife.

And for the stuff I can’t get to in a 15-minute podcast, or one-way conversation, check out meghankrause.com or find me on Instagram @meghan_krause.

Until next time, subscribe to my podcast, leave a review...and turn that U-curve into a YOU-swerve!