#2: The 5 Pillars of Life Transitions
It’s been suggested that “the meaning of life is to discover your gift; the purpose of life is to give it away.”
No offense to Pablo Picasso, but this take might sound a bit trite right now. Because you’re here...at a crossroads in your life...at a time when you might be questioning the meaning of your life...and whether you even have the energy to give it away.
If you've turned on the news at all recently, you can see that people all over the country are living through tremendous change -- professionally, personally, interpersonally. So much change. And how long will this pace of profound change continue?
I ask not because of the current crisis but because of the pileup of changes that materialize during the ages of 35 to 55. Life transitions can be jarring at any age, but they sure gather momentum during midlife, don’t they? Think about it: transitioning to parenthood...or sending kids to college...or embracing the kid-free life amid a sea of parents...or caring for aging parents...or navigating perimenopause...or experiencing health challenges...or appreciating single life...or enduring divorce...or starting to date again...or changing careers...and so much more.
Sometimes the change you experience comes in the form of smaller disruptions, sometimes in bigger life quakes. The one constant is change.
In fact, recent research suggests that there are anywhere from 36 to 52 different types of change, and most of them are the small ones that happen every 1-2 years. These are called disruptors--which aren’t necessarily negative: they could include marriage, having a child, changing jobs, moving, retiring. These are smaller but not insignificant. And they happen more often than many people see a dentist.
But the research shows that 1 in 10 of those disruptors actually becomes a Lifequake, a massive life change. So, if you do the math, that’s 3 to 5 times in our lives. Plus, the average length to navigate the massive change is 5 years. This means we’re talking 25 years or roughly half of our adult lives that are spent in life quakes.
Now, here’s the good news. When it comes to navigating change, the tools to support yourself remain the same...
Regardless of your topic of focus…
Regardless of whether you voluntarily made this change…
And regardless of whether the change is limited to just you.
Even better news: you’ll learn some of these tools here on Bullshift...and in the programs I offer.
So let’s begin by exploring the 5 pillars of life transitions that can best help you navigate change. These insights are gleaned from a fantastic book--Life is in the Transitions--by Bruce Feiler.
PILLAR #1: Transitions are Becoming More Plentiful
By almost any measure, we’re experiencing a growing number of disruptors in our lives. 2020 is proof positive of this.
What’s a disruptor, you ask? Think of it as an event that interrupts the flow of everyday life. This event could be positive or negative.
The research shows us that we’ll have more jobs and moves in our lifetime; half of us will change faiths; sexual fluidity is on the rise; and we’re facing an epidemic of depression, anxiety, and suicide...among others.
Also, the data show that we experience a disruptor every 1 to 2 years...and 1 in 10 of these disruptors will produce a major life change. Considering 9 in 10 of us live with other people, that means virtually every household in the United States has at least one person in it who’s undergoing a significant life reorientation.
PILLAR #2: Our Transitions are Nonlinear
There’s no single way to go through a life transition. Our lives are nonlinear--so, too, are our transitions. While it might seem easier to have a blueprint to follow, when we experience transitions—and life in general—out of order, we’re freed from the shackles of expectation...whether they come from Mom, the Joneses down the street, or ourselves. This liberation means that we get to make our own choices and decide what brings us fulfillment.
PILLAR #3: Transitions are Longer Than You Think...But Not Longer Than You Need
Major life transitions last longer than we want. On average, they take 4 to 5 years. That’s a long time. Think about how many years that is in Friends episodes. 5 years represents the gap of time between when Ross and Rachel started dating and when Monica and Chandler got married.
So navigating major life transitions takes longer than we think but, with some work, we can be better at them. It requires skill-building and gaining insights into our miscues. This means that transitions tend to last only as long as we need them.
PILLAR #4: Transitions are Autobiographical Occasions
The term autobiographical occasion was coined by sociologist Robert Zussman in 2000 to describe the moments in our lives when we’re “called on to reflect in systematic and extended ways on who we are and what we are.” Zussman mentioned job applications, confessions, and reunions.
But beyond our 25th college reunions, these occasions help us reassess who we are and actually modify our life stories. According to the research, 3 in 4 people end up rewriting their life stories when they navigate their biggest transitions...often because these experiences compel re-evaluation.
PILLAR #5: Transitions are Essential
Like the cast of Melrose Place, we all go through tumultuous periods in our lives. We’re gonna face some life quakes. And not just once or twice...but multiple times throughout our entire lives. It’s inevitable that there’ll be some heartbreak...and some mending of hearts. There’s also going to be a lot of re-evaluation of what’s meaningful for us...and, of course, the excitement that comes with discovering anew. So we need to spend some time building the perspective and the skills to master change.
Each of us is responsible for updating how we make sense of our lives. And, remember: our lives are not the traditional, predictable, linear paths we’re told they’re going to be.
We can’t ignore all the changes happening during midlife. Nor would we want to because there are vineyards to go work at, people. And as William James said a century ago: Life is in the transitions.
Your midlife deserves its own reflections, relevance, and rituals, so take a deep dive into yourself and your world. If you want help with this, check out my program called The Midlife Tune-Up Technique over at shop.meghankrause.com. Through an intelligent and intuitive excavation process, I’ll teach you how to ask catalytic questions that support you as you navigate life transitions, adopt a curious and wise perspective to distill what matters most, and repurpose your life experiences. It’s a guided process that saves you time, money, energy, and risk as you quickly eliminate the noise, so you can instead create meaning and mastery for your midlife.
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