#18: Stop Trying To Find Your Purpose
Most of what we understand about purpose at work comes from Hollywood. And, sure--stories are a powerful way to learn. Everybody loves a Hero’s Journey. But the stories of screen and stage romanticize the role of purpose in our lives at large...and especially at work. And look: I’m a die-hard fan of any Nancy Meyers film--always featuring a dynamic heroine with a cool career and beautiful home. But, with all due respect to Nancy, these types of stories create myths about purpose that actually make it harder for us to focus on what matters.
So today, I’m diving into a big, ol’ myth about purpose: that it’s a cause you find...like some sort of revelation.
And with that bold proclamation, let’s dive on in…
“Unpopular Opinion”: ya gotta stop trying to “find your purpose.”
Now...I understand why you might think purpose is a cause you find--and that you need it to fuel your very lifeblood. Because right now, you’re here in early midlife feeling downright dyspeptic. And it’s not because you overloaded with those Girl Scout Samoas last night.
You’ve seen so much, especially this past year...witnessing the best and the worst humanity has to offer. When emotional carnage is everywhere (as it is right now), we’re all first responders. You see that the world needs your vision...your hope...your courage. How will you share it? This is heavy stuff that keeps you up at night. ...and maybe those last three Samoas.
When mid-career professionals begin working with me, they’re usually fired up and want answers immediately. “What’s my purpose?” They can’t wait. But in my well-being work with thousands of people, the greatest barrier to living our purpose has often been the ubiquitous belief that we have to “find” our cause. That we’re floating unmoored in life purgatory without it.
If this sounds like you, take heart that you’re not alone.
So many of us think we have to find our one true cause. We want to know that our mission is to help save two-legged dogs or find a cure for cancer. Of course, Hollywood stars and political elders helped popularize this notion, like Angelina Jolie with refugees and President Jimmy Carter with Habitat for Humanity (seriously though, go off, Jimmy...you are an American TREASURE).
The idea of having a destiny is part of American mythology, and it applies to a lot more than social causes. It’s our core mythology on just about every topic, from romantic relationships to careers: Who is my one true love? What am I going to be when I grow up?
People want to hear that you knew you were going to be a doctor / basketball player / president / entrepreneur the minute you took your first step, still wearing diapers. Once you’re successful, you’re expected to tell a version of your biography that supports this mythology. For your early years of adulthood as you climb the professional ranks, being able to point to your professional success as part of your manifest destiny works incredibly well.
While destiny makes for a powerful story, this concept is not only misleading--it sets unrealistic and unhealthy expectations. And by the time you reach early midlife...you’re starting to recognize this bullshit. But you’re still operating within the unhelpful broader paradigm about purpose.
Connected to this myth that purpose is about a singular cause is the myth that we discover our purpose in one fell swoop. Like...we’re just walking along, minding our own business when — bam — our life’s calling is transmitted to us like a bolt of lightning from above. Or that we were literally born with it...that guitar-shaped birthmark on your hip meant a life-long love of music and, really, you had no choice but to hand-craft beautiful, premium guitars in the woods in Vermont.
And, okay, yes: this is usually how superheroes “find” their purpose.
Batman saw his parents murdered, and it became his purpose to fight crime in Gotham City.
Superman discovered that his people were wiped out because of civil war and found his purpose in fostering peace and civility.
But this is not how it usually happens for us mere mortals. “We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us,” Marcel Proust famously observed. He probably has a quote about very specific birthmarks, too.
Nearly all the mid-career professionals who work with me lament that they haven’t found their purpose yet. “I don’t know what I want to do,” they’ll say. And while, yes, there are certainly people who are driven by a singular cause, it’s almost always the result of a personal tragedy or an experience that inspired them to act. Maybe they were touched by the death of their friend from cancer, or their child died from gun violence. Still, this holds true only for a very small percentage of people, and it’s by no means the only way to live on purpose.
For the rest of us, living our purpose isn’t about finding a destination--it’s about unlocking an inner compass or direction. This leads me to two fundamental truths about purpose:
Truth #1: Purpose isn’t a cause; it’s an approach to work and serving others. Said another way: purpose is a verb, not a noun.
Truth #2: Purpose is a journey. It doesn’t come as a revelation from above, but from seeking new experiences and unlocking your inner wisdom.
Most of us will work for 45 to 50 years. Think about that for a second. That’s the same amount of time it would take to attend college twelve times. 12 times! Maybe only 10 times if you were a Super Senior a few times because you had other competing responsibilities like a job or a family. Or maybe you prioritized pursuing your college education outside the classroom...so to speak.
It’s increasingly true that during this span of 45 to 50 years, we’ll hold many different jobs and, for more and more of us, they’ll be in a range of fields (it’s rare to get that 25-years of service crystal paperweight these days!). We have so many opportunities to do the work that best suits our perspective on the world and the way we most enjoy contributing. We may never “find” one true cause, but we can understand the color of our purpose, which can help us have much more meaningful careers and entire lives.
Remember: purpose is a verb, not a noun. And it comes from a journey, not a revelation.
So if you’re here, saying to yourself, “I don’t know what I want to do.” What you’re really holding onto is the belief that “I need to know what I want to do in order to take action.”
To which I ask you, “How long have you been waiting for clarity?” (You’re making an “oh crap” face aren’t you?) Having a belief that you need to have the clarity to take action will mean that you might never take action because clarity comes from action, not the other way around.
It’s not a matter of knowing what you want to do. It’s a matter of deciding to figure it out by trying things on.
Show me a person who didn’t have to fumble through some things in order to get the clarity they were looking for… you can’t! You need the polarity, the comparison, of knowing what you don’t want to be able to figure out what you do want.
If you stay stuck in inaction, then you’ll never figure out what you want to do. Instead, could you think of just one step to take?
I can think of one. And that’s to join my “Career to Calling Accelerator.” It’s a 90-day experience that’ll help you discern and create your calling that delivers both the “essence” of what makes you come alive, along with the right “form” of it to suit your values, life intentions and financial needs. Just head over to meghankrause.com to get started.
Choosing to name and live our purpose is an act of courage--not an act of god. Ultimately, what gives our lives aliveness is living in alignment – unlocking and acting in a way that’s a bold expression of who we are at our core. When we do this we feel, as Joseph Campbell put it, “the rapture of being alive.”
Like I said in the intro of this article, everybody loves a Hero’s Journey, so let’s revisit the wisdom of its creator. Joseph Campbell wrote in The Power of Myth: “People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.” In this way, naming and living our purpose is also an act of well-being. Studies show that purpose--again...verb, not noun--can improve our physical health, lengthen our life, and make us happier.
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