#19: Purpose, On Purpose
Imagine a pill. Now think about what you would pay for this pill that will…
Reduce the effects of Alzheimer's by a significant amount
Reduce the incidence of macroscopic stroke by 41%
Reduce your risk of dying early--no matter your gender, race, socioeconomic status, or education level
Improve your sleep, including sleep apnea and other sleep disorders
You’d probably pay a lot of money, right?
No need, my friend--it's FREE!
The pill? It's purpose. And purpose--having a reason to get up in the morning--isn't going to cure all these things. It’s not gonna eliminate all the new chin hair, either...sorry. But purpose IS going to elevate your quality of life in many ways.
Having a life purpose is more important for decreasing the risk of death than drinking, smoking, or exercising regularly.
The need for meaning and purpose is No. 1-- it's the deepest driver of well-being there is. And it’s a matter of evolutionary biology...not just to survive and reproduce...but to grow: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially.
What matters, according to the research, is not exactly what a person's life purpose is, but that we have one. If you don't have a reason to get up in the morning…
You don't live as long
You're not as happy
You don't heal as quickly
And so purpose is that reason at different stages of our life for why we get up in the morning.
And, well...PINCH ME ‘cuz I get to help people answer the “What is my purpose?” question.
*Caveat time! I spent Episode 18 of Bullshift talking about the myth of purpose--but hear me out: it’s just the conflation of a romanticized and codified idea of purpose that does us wrong. My beef is with the story we’re conditioned to believe that we’re born with purpose as destiny OR we’re struck by a fully-formed purpose like lightning. We’ve gotta ditch that and talk about what purpose really means.
Quick reminder: purpose isn’t about finding a destination--it’s about unlocking an inner compass or direction. And it’s a verb, not a noun.
By day, I work with a lot of doctors and advanced practice clinicians and nurses...and, whew, it’d be so great if they started prescribing purpose in their patient visits.
In the meantime, I’m going to give a purpose prescription. Don’t worry--I’m not violating any ethics here. And it’s a short one, I promise: commit to growing...and commit to giving.
When you wake up in the morning, set your intention for your own growth, your own learning. And also spend time during the day giving to others. Something small. Something that’s your choice, by the way...not out of obligation.
By now you’re probably thinking, “Okay, Meghan. I get it, I get it. Purpose matters. And the easiest way to think about purpose is that it’s to grow and to give. But, seriously. I don’t have time to pursue this right now.”
This is such a common refrain when I first tell people what I do. They usually say something like, “Must be nice.” And then they’ll pause...and continue with, “You know...I’ve always dreamed of wanting to…[fill in the blank]. Somewhere along the way, I guess I just got distracted and caught in the daily grind.”
They’ll stare off, longingly...shrug their shoulders...and hop right back into discussing the latest affront they read on Twitter...or the funny meme they saw on Instagram.
I often hear people say, “I just don’t have time to pursue my calling right now.” And I get it: you’re living during COVID and racism pandemics...with a slog of other responsibilities.
I recently was speaking with someone who asked me if they should wait before joining The Career to Calling Accelerator because they just didn’t think they’d have time right now.
“Uh, Meghan...no offense, but have you been living under a rock this past year? It all feels so heavy right now. Plus, I don't even have a degree in this. And, with everything else going on right now, I just don’t have time to start taking classes again." This probably sounds like something you’ve said yourself.
The “I don’t have time” block gets thrown up almost reflexively I find, and it’s understandably difficult to consider adding anything physical, mental, emotional to our plates...ESPECIALLY right now. When I dug a little deeper, I could feel this person’s passion. They’d overcome a tremendous challenge and they wanted to share their experience with the intent of helping others who were going through the same thing.
Here's the thing...
Yes, we all want to help others. Especially loved ones who’ve captured so much of our attention this past year. But when I say purpose is about growing and giving, I don’t mean to prioritize the needs of others above your own.
When you operate under the “I don’t really have time” belief, what you’re really saying is: “Other responsibilities are more important than my fulfillment.”
The first and most important thing to remember is that it all starts by realizing that...
YOUR PURPOSE MATTERS, MY FRIEND. Remember the list I started this episode with? All of those health bennies? Yeah. Purpose matters a LOT.
If you prioritize everyone else, then you’ll get to the end of your life to realize you didn’t live one that is your own.
There’s a common myth we all buy into (there are lots of myths we’ve got to unsubscribe from, aren’t there?!) that meeting the obligations of others is the responsible thing to do, but I’ve noticed that the people who are the most steadfast people in my life, the ones who lift me up and are there when I need them, live their life--including their calling--on purpose.
What if carving out a few hours a week could double your professional fulfillment? If you don't believe it, then you're likely never going to pursue your calling.
And this matters for so many reasons:
How we actually spend our days
What we’re modeling for loved ones
Our contribution to the world
And then there’s the matter of increasing longevity. We grew up with an old model of lifespan that goes something like this: childhood, adolescence, adulthood, retirement, old age. The short version is: grow up, decline, grow old.
And life used to be shorter than it is now. We've added about three decades to life. Here in the United States, the average life expectancy in 1900 was age 46. Now it's in the 80s. And the fastest-growing cohort is 85 and over...and there are four times more centenarians--people living to 100--than there were a decade ago.
What this means, then, is that we've added a substantial number of years to our lives. Full and rich years. Not decline, but growth.
And so our model of retiring at 60 or 65 is a very tired model. Because the research shows that we need purpose to thrive in our lives. So what’s your purpose going to be for all those extra years? Win the pickleball tournaments? I mean, I’ll absolutely challenge you on the court, of course. But the reality is that there’s never been a more important time to live your calling. Because languishing in purpose purgatory for multiple decades won’t serve anyone...least of all you.
You’ve heard me talk about the U-Curve of Happiness before. It’s a known phenomenon and the research shows that people often get happier in their fifties and beyond partly because they start listening more to themselves than to others. In response, if you’re roughly age 35 to 55, then consider creating your “You-Swerve of Satisfaction,” which begins by clarifying your calling...your contribution...your ideal version of life that’s worth living.
When you consider what a “life worth living” means for you, remember that--more often than not--people don’t want you to change. We have a shared “quid pro-status quo” with most people: “If I don’t change, you don’t change. Pinky swear?”
Leave the pinky swears to 6th grade. The time is now for you to invest in yourself...on purpose.
Yes, you can choose to honor all of the difficulties of the world right now. And you can also choose to see this as an amazing turning point, an opportunity, the point in your life where you decided to stop caring about the bullshit and really put your mind to work in creating the life that you want. By living with purpose...living on purpose.
Because even if nothing is guaranteed to you, even if you have a day or a week or a year or a decade...whatever it is...hopefully many left on Earth--do you want to spend it on autopilot or do you want to spend it intentionally engaged in pushing yourself and growing and showing up and trying and living the life that you want to as best you can?
For most of us, this requires learning how--how to stop waiting for the lightning bolt. It doesn’t come naturally. It sure didn’t for me. That’s why I coach today. That’s why coaching is the secret to life for me. It’s changed my life in so many powerful ways. Five years ago, I would not have been able to say the same thing. Even though I had a distinctive well-being career, I would not have been able to believe the thought, “I’ve lived the life I wanted. I’ve done the things I wanted to do. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and how I’ve shown up and the person I’ve become.” That’s not a thought I could’ve believed five years ago. And the fact is that it’s due to getting clear on my calling--through coaching and learning the very tools I teach--to actually set goals for myself, change the way I think, and create systems to accomplish them. And that’s what I want for everyone.
So if you’re ready to explore your purpose, on purpose...if you’re ready to get clear on what makes you come alive...if you’re ready to live what matters most, then head on to my freebie library.
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