#39: How to Use Your Purpose Filter When Life Contains Multitudes

Are you on the struggle bus in some area of your life?

Maybe it’s your career—you just never feel fulfilled the way you want to, or it seems like everyone else is passing you on the fast-track to success.
Maybe it's your body—you go through cycle after cycle of feeling motivated to move one week and feeling a complete lack of acceptance for your beautiful body as you hole up with Netflix the next week.
Maybe it’s your love life—you keep choosing the wrong partners, or it seems like no one lights you up, and you can’t figure out what’s next.
Maybe it’s your family—no matter how old you get, you keep drudging up childhood problems and don’t know how to move on in your life without that baggage.

Sometimes you’re making progress—you nail that job interview, you hit the gym 4 times a week, you enjoy a fun date that leads to a second date, you make it through a family gathering without fighting—but, soon enough, you’re right back to where you began.

And then, of course, there’s the pandemic.

These kinds of so-called “unsolvable” problems can start to seem like more than just problems. They can start to seem like they're just a part of our lives. Our story about the problem becomes part of who we are. We're constantly thinking about the problem, and never manage to solve it, and eventually, we start to believe we never will. It becomes an IDENTITY: “I’m great at work but my love life's a hot mess” or “I’m from a dysfunctional family, so I need to avoid them.”

When you’ve reached that point of complete dissatisfaction...even resignation...

When you've accepted a problem you can’t solve as your fate in this life…

That's when it’s time to hire a coach. Past time, actually.

Because when you let your problem become who you are, you’re unable to solve it alone. You can’t even see where you’re stuck, because you just believe that all your thoughts are true.

If you’ve been trying to solve your problem for years, and you haven’t solved it–ain’t nothin' going to change this year or next without some outside support.

Henry Ford once said: “If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said 'faster horses.” Because you don’t know what’s possible when you’re just basing your thoughts on your life so far. You won’t solve your problems unless you learn how to use your brain to think about them differently. Not by thinking all the thoughts you currently have now, but by learning to think new ones.

I get it—right now you can’t even imagine what those could be. That’s okay–you don’t have to. That’s my job. I’ll be Henry Ford. You just need to bring your brain.

But let’s say you’re not quite ready to hire me as your coach. Then you need to at least lean into your purpose...your growth and contribution. Let your pain point you to purpose.

There’s a common misconception that you need to look for your life purpose--that you’ll find it somewhere...somewhere outside of you. I spent all of episode 38 dispelling this myth...check it out if you haven’t yet listened.

Also, the notion that you have one life purpose--that you’re here for a singular reason--undermines you and your potential.

So...if you’re keeping score, I’ve said you don’t “find” it...and there isn’t a “single” thing.

Unpopular opinions, right?

I’m sort of throwing daggers at our society’s current conception of purpose, but that’s not because it’s unimportant. Au contraire. It’s because purpose is SO important. And a pithy Instagram quote just ain’t gonna give it the proper attention.

Purpose absolutely warrants our attention, especially right now...especially if you’re somewhere north of 40, in that sandwich generation era, and riddled with responsibility. Why? Well...because how you see purpose determines what’s possible for you.

Sure, purpose has always influenced people and business. But the disruptions of the last year and a half magnify its importance:

When we’re forced to stay home in isolation and binge Netflix and HBO and Hulu and Peacock and...
When our closest forms of communication require a screen and even yoga pants become too uncomfortable to wear...
When our lives and routines have been turned upside down and we can scarcely recall pre-pandemic times…

These painful experiences that we’ve numbed ourselves to are what remind us of what really matters to us. Reminds us of how we can make our best and highest contributions.

Throw in The Great Resignation, with 4 in 10 people saying they plan to leave their current employer...and, well, purpose matters.

Job satisfaction aside, life’s pretty heavy...and the toll our collective disruption is taking on our psyches is NOT to be diminished.

I’ve shared proven effects on our health in an earlier episode called Purpose, On Purpose...but here are two recent findings:

A study in the journal, Psychosomatic Medicine, found when people have greater sense of purpose, they have less incidence of cardiovascular disease and lower mortality.
In addition, a recent study by the University of Pennsylvania found when people had a greater sense of purpose they experienced less loneliness and made better lifestyle choices to protect their health in the face of Covid-19.

So if you’re floundering with so many responsibilities and dissatisfaction in your life, then unlocking your purpose is your most effective path to creating fulfilling change that’s both enduring and generative.

You’re able to discern what matters most, so you can efficiently make decisions about what’s right for you.
You can get laser-focused on where to devote your time and energy.
You can feel satisfied with how you spend your resources.
You’ll feel excited to start each day.
You’re more empowered to pursue new possibilities.

Purpose is the most effective way to save time, build momentum, and generate support. And who couldn’t use more of that right now, amirite? And I’m looking squarely at you, Gen X.

Bonus: this is true whether you’re talking about careers, creative expression, relationships, community engagement, or some other aspect of your life.

And, by the way, purpose doesn’t have to be some big, world-changing endeavor either. You don’t need to develop the COVID vaccine. It can simply be the expression of your talents to help your family or your friends. Maybe it’s in your cooking skills. It can just be doing the next thing that allows you to express your unique capabilities to help others or contribute to the broader community.

The power is in your choice...using purpose as the filter for your choice-making...tuning into what matters most.

A lot of floundering 30/40/50-something people make the mistake of thinking that unlocking your purpose is going to cost you a lot of time and money...but continuing to think this will cause you to delay doing the inner work...that’s why I’m offering Purpose Camp, a 3-session live training series that spans one week. How’s that for efficient use of your time?

Plus, let’s talk about time. You’re a couple of decades into your career. You’ve got a couple more decades to go, based on industry standards and increasing lifespans. Do you want to exist in purpose purgatory? And at what cost? And will that cost diminish as you age? Like, your regrets will increase over time...so you want to act now. Because, beyond your career, the purpose is the engine to your fulfillment.

Your purpose is the foundation of your fulfillment. When you’re clear about your why you can handle it anyhow. That’s an adaptation of a Nietzsche quote, btw. I think I’ve shared it in an earlier episode. And this why doesn’t have to be a singular, fixed thing. We’re living, breathing, evolving humans. We contain multitudes. But, generally, there are a few themes and principles we hold most dear. And we need to use these more fully in our lives...because remember: how you see your purpose determines what’s possible for you.

If you’d like help with this, let’s connect for a 1:1 session or join the Purpose Camp at meghankrause.com.