Here's Why Your Midlife Struggle Has Nothing to Do With You

“I HAVE EVERYTHING THAT SHOULD MAKE ME FEEL SATISFIED—BUT I FEEL SO GUILTY BECAUSE I’M NOT AND IT FEELS LIKE SOMETHING IS MISSING. WHY?”

Sound familiar?

This is one of the most common questions I get asked about midlife malaise--or, as I like to call it, “middlescence.” Here’s my answer:

I hear you, friend. Freeing yourself from your midlife malaise seems difficult. Good news, though: it’s not because something is broken. It’s not because what your brain is saying is true. And it’s definitely not because you should feel anything—”should” is a word we let beat us up far too often. Even better news: most research shows midlife to be the prime of our lives in several areas.

The reason for your midlife malaise requires some math to understand...but it’s simple math (I promise).

First, a quick backgrounder:

Evolution: Our brains are primed to worry and obsess about anything they perceive as a danger: an email from your kid’s teacher, radio silence from a friend...or the exaggeration that you’re facing a crisis in midlife. It used to be lions.
Socialization: We’re socialized to believe there’s a causal relationship between our personal characteristics and the events that happen in our lives...that worldly achievement will bring emotional fulfillment...and that by fixing what’s wrong, we’ll establish wellbeing.
Cognitive Science: Our brains have a bias for the negative and they’re always looking for evidence to reinforce what they already believe.

So what’s this math I keep referencing?

Evolution + Socialization + Cognitive Science = fear, frustration, and feeling overwhelmed in your life. In other words, we’re stuck with a brain that’s tied to patterns of self-criticism and always looking for reasons to project disaster.

I said the math was simple. I never said it was easy. ;)

Good news: there’s better math out there. And you can change the equation.

I've created a FREE cheat sheet to help you with this conundrum—download it now.