#22: Future-Proofing Our Decisions

Throughout our lives, we make decisions that will profoundly influence the lives of the people we're going to become. This takes on a bit more urgency as we enter into midlife, which--these days--is anywhere from 35 to 65 or 75 years old, depending on whom you ask.

So we make these decisions...informing and shaping our future “us”...and then when we become those people, it’s a bit of a let-down. Like, sure, Dave--you’re funny and you like that everybody knows you’re funny. But also, do any of your colleagues take your contributions as seriously as you’d like? All those wisecracks have led to your life smacked...upside down, wondering, “Am I really showing up and contributing in the best way?” And, in a moment of existential crisis you wonder, “Whatever happened to Pauly Shore?”

We're not always going to be thrilled with the decisions we’ve made. I’m still cringing at my own 5-year college reunion antics. Which I may divulge at a future date, but it’s still early in my podcast tenure so I’ve got to maintain some semblance of dignity.

So you paid good money for that Chinese character tattoo on your lower back during college...and now you’re paying good money to have it removed.

You rushed to marry your college sweetheart. And now you’re rushing to divorce them.

And on the cycle goes.

Which begs questions like: “Why do we make decisions that we come to regret in the future? And how can we future-proof our decisions? And, also, does Shannon Dougherty regret any of her 90210-era shenanigans?

Most days, we’re very attached to the notion that we’ve finally become ourselves. That we’ve reached the proverbial finish line of being a work in progress.

But who you are right now is as fleeting as every former version of yourself. Don’t believe me?

Let’s look at the research from Harvard Psychologist Dan Gilbert.

To begin, think about how quickly the littles in your life seem to change. In contrast, Dad’s still rockin’ the same ‘do and normcore as he did in 2008. So when exactly is this magical point in life where change suddenly goes from a sprint to a crawl? Your teens? Midlife? Old age?

Nope. The answer is now. Whenever and wherever “now” happens to be.

You see...we have a fundamental misconception about the power of time. We’re all sort of meandering about with this belief--this illusion--that we’ve just become the people that we were always meant to be. And that the person we are now is the person we’ll be for the rest of our lives.

Let’s use a study of values to explain this. Here’s what the data show: our personal values change over time. And more than we might think. While change does slow down as we age, we all--this includes people from ages 18 to 68--vastly underestimate how much change we’ll experience during the next 10 years. It’s called the "end of history" illusion. The study showed that 18-year-olds anticipate changing only as much as 50-year-olds actually do.

Now let’s look at a study of personality. You may have heard of The Big 5 Personality Test which looks at the five fundamental dimensions of personality: neuroticism, openness to experience, agreeableness, extraversion, and conscientiousness. Well, the data show that, again, at every age, people underestimate how much their personalities will change in the next decade.

This trend applies to more than values and personality, too. It applies to your preferences...your likes and dislikes...how you choose to spend your vacation…what kind of music you listen to...even your friends. The data show that people predict that what they prefer, what they do, who they’re friends with now will be true in 10 years...and, yet, people who are 10 years older all say, "Huh. Well. I guess that’s changed quite a bit."

So now you might be thinking, “Okay, Meghan. Get to the punchline. Why does this matter?”

To answer this question, let’s use an example. We’ll choose music. Think about your favorite musician 10 years ago and your favorite musician today. I’ll share mine.

10 years ago, Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” was the #1 song...and I remember attending her concert in the summer of 2011. Actually, In the span of 5 weeks, I got to see U2 perform in an epic outdoor concert with rain and lightning here in Minneapolis, then I bawled my face off at Adele’s concert that featured “Rolling in the Deep” and “Someone Like You.” And the best concert in the trio was far and away Sade, who had John Legend open for her. Sade put on a masterclass in performance and production value. Just incredible.

Let’s go back to that Adele concert...I think I paid around $85 for that concert.

Now in 2021, I’m still waiting for that album Adele said she was going to drop in September 2020. Adele: haven’t we been through enough? Can ya help us all out? Please?

I’m really digging Anderson.Paak these days. The research says I’d cough up 130 bones to see him but probably only $80 to see my former fav, Adele. Maybe Adele’s the exception ‘cuz I’d probably pay more. But in a perfectly rational world, these ought to be the same number, right? That’s not what science says. It says that we overpay for the opportunity to indulge our current preferences because we overestimate their stability.

And here’s what that means: it’s easy to remember but difficult to imagine. Most of us can remember who we were 10 years ago, but we find it hard to imagine who we're going to be 10 years from now. We like to think it’s because it's hard to imagine, or that it's not likely to happen. But when people say "I can't imagine that," they're usually talking about their own limitations...or lack of imagination, and not about the unlikelihood of whatever they're describing.

So here’s the punchline: time really is such a powerful force. It transforms our preferences. It reshapes our values. It alters our personalities. Eventually...and only with the benefit of hindsight, do we come to appreciate this fact. Most days, we’re very attached to the notion that we’ve finally become ourselves. That we’ve reached the proverbial finish line of being a work in progress.

But who you are right now is as fleeting as every former version of yourself. And it’s only when we look back that we realize how much change can happen in a decade.

So think back to where you were 10 years ago. And where you are today. You can see that you’re already always changing...it’s just hard to predict how.

10 years ago, I was an avid rower with the Minneapolis Rowing Club who was slowly wearing down my body which led to chronic fatigue and autoimmunity. These days, I’m certified in lifestyle medicine, help health care workers manage burnout, and work with high-achieving midlifers who want to dump their careers to pursue their calling. I’m not ready to divulge where I’ll be in 10 years, but I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve. Gotta keep some suspense here, right?

If you’re wanting to change in more intentional ways, then let’s chat. Because what you’re really talking about is a transition. And there’s an art to it. And a science...really, anatomy to it.

Lots of people tend to think that transitions or transformations have to be painstakingly difficult. That they’ll take a lot of time and energy. But as you just learned, you’re going to underestimate how much you’ll naturally change in the next 10 years. Imagine, though, if you put some intentionality into it. What possibilities exist for you?

In contrast, if you believe transformation takes a lot of time and energy, then you’ll never get started.

Also: Who said you were in a race? What if the transformation was the slightest 1% change over time? I’m sure you’ve heard that metaphor of the airplane leaving JFK in New York and bound for LA being off just 1% and arriving 40 miles off in the Pacific Ocean. And, like, don’t get me started on all the compound interest I missed out on in my 20s.

The other consideration here is energy. As a power plant, your transition doesn’t take energy, it generates it. It can give you energy.

Think about it. Has there ever been a time when you made a decision, and your life changed? You had an unwavering commitment to something, and knew in your bones, “it was done?” It happened in a moment, and I’m betting it gave you energy.

Lastly, if you have loved ones in your life, isn’t it more important to show your loved ones that commitment can get you places you only once dreamed about, than complaining that you don’t have the time?

I’ve noticed that most midlife professionals who are fulfilled take complete responsibility for aligning their timeline and efforts with what they really want. Do you want to join this club? Are you ready to future-proof your decision-making when it comes to your professional fulfillment? If so, then join me for The Career to Calling Accelerator. It’s a 3-month commitment that’ll teach you how to turn your mid-career slump into your mid-career jump.

Future-proofing your decision-making--and, actually, your whole life--is about creating the knowledge, skills, and capacities for evolution and growth. Here’s what that looks like understanding the anatomy of transitions (pro tip: you don’t start with a new beginning), learning to self-coach, befriending your inner critic and your intuition. Distilling your vision, values, and strengths. Learning how to apply design thinking principles to create greater fulfillment...and much, much more that I teach you inside The Career to Calling Accelerator.

Curious to learn more? Just visit www.meghankrause.com.