#25: The 5 Biggest Obstacles You’ll Face in Living Your Purpose
45 minutes down a Twitter wormhole, I had a revelation: I can spend my time doing whatever I want, and the only thing it’ll really affect is how I experience my time.
What started as answering a crossword puzzle prompt--it was NBA’s Hall of Fame Coach Pat Riley, by the way--quickly pivoted to, “Whatever happened to my favorite TV news anchor Pat Miles?” Which then prompted me to wonder, “How’s her eyesight these days?” Which then morphed into, “Where is Paul Magers?” He’s another beloved former news anchor here in Minneapolis Saint Paul. Which then led to, “Hmmm...I want to learn more about his decision to get sober.” Which then moved into, “Let me scroll through his Twitter feed ‘cuz he’s hilarious.” And by then I realized I’d spent nearly an hour pinging back and forth between various apps and sites.
I’m in the business of helping people live what matters most. And there’s, maybe, a certain irony in spending so much of my time sniffing out random Twitter inquiries.
On the other hand, when so many of us are trying to find a way to matter, we’ve lost the plot because we’re already fulfilling our purpose in life simply by being alive. We don’t have to be better or give more.
So often, though, we’re living in search--trying to find our purpose. If you listened to episode 18, where I shout “Stop Trying to Find Your Purpose,” though, you might already know this is futile.
Here’s why: most of us have no idea what the point of our existence is, but we’re pretty sure we’re doing it wrong.
Enter: self-flagellation.
This shows up in all kinds of ways, and that’s precisely what we’re diving into during today’s article: 5 Obstacles You’ll Face in Living Your Purpose.
As a coach, I work with people to unlock their purpose in life. Unlock, not find.
Often, people will seem desperate to discover the one thing that lights them up. They’ll search for it in books, in courses, in meditation, maybe church.
All the while, their purpose seems elusive. As though it’s some sort of game or hunt to find a treasure. And their brains are hell-bent on figuring it out. And because they’re not quite saving the world--maybe because they’re exhausted from raising kids and teaching at home during a pandemic--they’re just going to continue searching for that perfect flavor of purpose that’ll make it all seem effortless. And then they’ll keep searching and searching, without ever finding the answer.
That’s not entirely true. You may have found your purpose a few times...like that one job...or having kids. At least, you thought that was it. But it wasn’t. Life didn’t suddenly become effortless...so it’s back to searching.
So back to what I shared in the intro: your purpose is to live on the planet. You don’t have to do it better or smarter. Unless you want to.
But the reason you want to isn’t what you think...it’s not about being better in the eyes of someone else. It’s not about earning a prize that’ll make everything make sense.
It’s about making your experience on our planet more meaningful and fun.
You could spend your life sitting on the couch watching Netflix or wormholing on Twitter.
Or you could build a regenerative community in Latin America. Either way, you’re still a perfect human.
We tend to chase purpose like that 6th-grade apple of our eye. We seek to emulate others based on our perception of their success.
We look at Richard Branson, or Oprah, or Adele, and we’re certain they’ve lived better lives than we have. We’re convinced that they’re doing it right. That they’re the purposeful ones.
My friend: they all have the exact same value as you. They’ve just chosen to fulfill a purpose that’s made their lives a hell of a lot of fun and meaningful.
And you might think, “Okay, but if I don’t have to do anything to make my life matter, then I’m not gonna do anything.”
Guess what? The opposite is true. Because once you realize there’s nothing you have to do, then you’re liberated to pursue what you want. To choose a purpose that matters to you. Only you. Not Mom or Dad. Not Mrs. Geraghty from 3rd grade.
You’re not going to go down the Twitter wormhole all the time. You’re not going to binge Netflix every night. These are behaviors you choose when you want to seek false forms of pleasure when you think you aren’t good enough just as you are.
SIGNATURE SEGMENT: WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT
Okay, friends, I’ve got another installment of “What I Learned About...” where I share stories from my own life that can offer perspective about the topic at hand.
Today, I’m sharing “What I Learned About Purpose From That Time I Portaged Canoes in Mud Up to My Knees for 2 Miles.”
Do we like these long titles or what?
Picture this. I was 26 and teaching media studies and public speaking at a college, where I was asked to co-facilitate a wilderness immersion experience for entering first-year students. Excitedly, I said “yes.” It didn’t matter that I had never been camping in my life. The chance to go to the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness was so exciting. Side note: if you’ve never heard of the Boundary Waters, look it up. Seriously. It’s a natural wonder and one of the best-kept secrets of our nation’s natural resources.
So in late August, I joined another faculty member in leading a group of 6 entering first-year students on a 4-night wilderness camping excursion.
On night 1, I layered up with 4 tops, 2 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of socks, and froze. The next day, I learned my hi-tech sleeping bag needed my body heat to interact with so it could function properly. So I shed a few layers and my sleeping went just fine the rest of the trip.
The next day, I overcame my germ issues by eating off of shared plates that had been virtually licked clean by others. At this point, I wasn’t exactly sold on the allure of camping.
The next day, I made two separate mile-long canoe portages in mud up to my knees in downpouring rain without a raincoat. I felt purposeful and powerful in lugging the canoes that the students weren’t able to carry themselves. And with the added level of difficulty of the rain and mud, I tuned into what I was capable of doing.
And THAT was the magical moment for me that altered my professional path...because I had the realization that...
It wasn’t about proving myself to others...or making myself more worthy in the group. I was already complete as a human.
It was about pushing the limits of possibility--with my mind and body--because that’s what makes life interesting for me. And in doing this, I was able to connect with my inner wisdom, with others, and with Mother Nature and Spirit more powerfully.
I also realized that I could have a fantastically fun life by living what matters most to me and is committed to revealing or unlocking who I am...that it wasn’t about being better.
Because that’s a game we’ll never win. We can’t win enough, earn enough, or give enough. Which means we’re emancipated, right? How we want to spend our time being human is our choice.
So I chose to leave academia and pursue my calling in wellbeing.
And you get to choose, too. But it’s an active choice. Which might sound like some crappy news--that you have to decide. Because, chances are, you’re worried about making the right choice.
Again, you can choose anything. And you can change it if you desire. It’s just a choice. How you live your life is totally up to you, and only your opinion matters. This isn’t selfish. It’s your highest form of expression and growth and contribution.
Let’s go back to Adele. She didn’t set out to be an inspiration to millions of people. She just wanted to sing. And, whoa, she does.
As I said earlier, you get to spend your time doing anything you want. And the only thing it’ll really affect is how you experience your time. Which I realize can sound scary. Your mind might be telling you all sorts of things.
So let’s now hop to the 5 biggest obstacles you’re likely to face in living your purpose.
Obstacle #1: Your Primitive Brain
Here’s what it sounds like:
You’re not good enough.
Change is uncomfortable and painful.
It’s safer to stay the course.
You’ll die.
You already know that it’s not your brain’s fault--it’s just trying to help you survive. But, whoa, these outdated messages are a drag. And when you listen to them, you’re likely going to spend your life in a job that seems secure or safe.
So you need to solve the obstacle of your primitive brain. That’s what self-coaching is for. It’s going to help you cultivate the skills of awareness to tuning into what your brain is doing on autopilot...and then it’ll help you think on purpose.
Do you want a purposeful life? One of the best steps you can take is to think purposeful thoughts.
Your brain is both your biggest obstacle and your most powerful tool. And because your brain just wants to get good and efficient at whatever you tell it to do, you need to direct it with what you want to think and believe...on purpose.
Obstacle #2: Procrastination
There’s a lot of talk about confidence, as though that’s the starting point for your success. But confidence only comes when you’ve committed to using courage as a fundamental tool in your life kit.
Remember what I said earlier about your brain wants to help you survive? Well, your brain is always going to come up with really smart and seductive reasons why now is not a good time to take action. There’s always a seemingly justifiable reason.
So you need to be prepared for the excuse train that’s coming your way. And you need a plan for how to answer it when it arrives. And, remember: it’s seductive...your excuses will seem legit. But they’re not. So if you want to ensure your commitment and follow-through, then you’ll want to anticipate what might get in the way.
Procrastination is an old friend, so you might need to do things differently. This looks like first making a commitment. Then summon your courage. Through this, you’ll develop your capability. And only then will you generate confidence.
Stop waiting for confidence before pursuing your interests. You don’t need it. You need courage...courage to take action in the face of fear.
Obstacle #3: Confusion
How many times have you heard or said, “I don’t know”? Saying that you don’t know what to do or how to do something is such a dream sucker. And this isn’t because Google is always at the ready. It’s because you’ve got answers within you. And not in an esoteric way, though, that’s also true.
Confusion kills your dreams because the truth is that…
You’re figuring it out
You’re learning how
You’re exploring
You’re experimenting
And this is a beautiful and important ongoing process.
You’re just never “not knowing” because it’s an utter lie...one that pretends to keep you safe but actually just keeps you small.
Obstacle #4: Overload
We live in a world of lots of choices. Too many, most of the time. And I’m not just talking about those cute $13 knit rompers at Target. Shout out to my Target designer friends for creating so many beautiful choices.
In many instances, your brain will shout at you, “Hey. This is too much. Stop it. Get me to safety. Let’s just hole up instead.”
But this is an opportunity to tell your brain, “Nope. Hard pass. I’m choosing to delight in my options...with the help of my friends: constraints. Have you met them yet? You’ll love them.”
The moment you choose to narrow your options on purpose, your overload can hit the road.
And this can apply to any area of your life. Looking for a new car? Set your criteria so that you can move through decision-making more efficiently.
You’re allowed to change your mind when you know more, but step one is to create constraints and choose. I talk about constraints more in Episode 14--give it a listen and never look back.
Overload is a bummer of a reason to not pursue anything because, really, it’s just mismanaging your mind.
Obstacle #5: Busy-ness
Okay, and now the big one: “I’m too busy.” “I’ve just been so busy with…”
My kids’ events
Projects at work
My family visiting
Traveling
Listen, everyone’s got an excuse. The question is: Do you want this in your eulogy? Or on your tombstone?
Is this--being busy--really the reason you aren’t creating the life you desire?
You might be very skilled at making excuses. Even if you feel completely justified. But, if you think about it, an excuse is a real drag...because it’s a reason why you didn’t get what you want. So does it matter that your excuse sounds really great? ...nope.
This means you need to move away from using excuses and toward simply saying, “I didn’t want to do it enough.” It’s a more honest choice that helps you make more aligned choices.
Okay, so those are the 5 biggest obstacles you’ll face in living your purpose. If you’re noodling this topic and want to explore your purpose further, then heads up that I’ll be relaunching The Career to Calling Accelerator in a few weeks, which will guide you in creating YOUR most fulfilling work.
As always, feel free to connect with me via social media for any insights or questions this episode has stimulated for you! I love hearing from you directly and am excited to continue down this path of learning and growth with you.
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