Disappointment = Expectations - Reality ...and What to Do About It

I’LL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE DISAPPOINTMENT I FELT ONE BIRTHDAY WHEN I DIDN'T GET THE IN-GROUND POOL I'D ASKED FOR AND, INSTEAD, GOT A SMALL, PLASTIC ONE. (MY CHAMPAGNE TASTE ON A BEER BUDGET STARTED EARLY.)

Disappointment is a gross feeling, isn't it? It's as if you're slowly tripping during the big game—not fast enough to scare you, but precariously enough, so you know you don’t have your footing in a crucial moment. And, when you’re a kid, the disappointment from that fall can feel like it'll last an eternity. Ask a high schooler or recent graduate.

It seems most everyone feels disappointed these days. And for good reason. The research shows anxiety and anger, followed closely by disappointment are the most common negative emotions we feel.

Add a couple pandemics into the mix and, well, it's easy to see why disappointment looms large.

When faced with disappointment, you've got 2 options:

Lower your expectations
Increase your reality

In quarantimes, I’m not going to even touch the latter. Though, if you’re wise and focused on your sphere of influence, you know that you can alter your reality in smart and savvy ways. Ask yourself, “Am I frustrated or disappointed?” When you're disappointed, it means that all's lost...the fight has ended. In contrast, frustration is the feeling you get when you believe you can still influence the environment. If you're frustrated (and not disappointed), use this energy to alter your reality. You got this, {first_name}.

When it comes to expectation, many of us believe expectation is what fueled our ambition and success in the first place. When we starve ourselves of this fuel, it can feel like the first step toward “learned helplessness” (an early indicator of depression). So we thrash away, striving to increase reality...fueled by frustration.

Ugh.

It's time to manage your disappointment. And one way to do this is to distinguish between Expectation and Hope. Here’s a helpful cheat sheet from Chip Conley, author of Emotional Equations:

As you look at this cheat sheet, you'll see an inherent curiosity in hope that isn't there for expectation. How might you adopt this curiosity-filled lens of hope to your life this week?

Experiment with it...and let me know how it goes for you!