Can We All Stop Being Jerk Communicators?

How To End a First Date (without being a dick)* is the title of my recent blog post. Have you read shared it yet?

While I'm on my rickety soapbox, I'll take a moment to extend this idea to all communication contexts (work, family, friends, dating, other).

In the words of Wharton's guru organizational psychologist, Dr. Adam Grant:

"No, getting a lot of email is not an excuse for not replying. It's a small act of incivility. Don't disengage. Be organized. Show you care about the people reaching out. And set boundaries. A short reply is better than none at all."

(Useful clarification: I'm not talking about spammy, unsolicited sales letters or requests from that dude in Nigeria to wire money.)

It's easy to see how nonresponse is a jerk move in online dating and work. But where it applies most? Communicating with our family and friends.

Don't be that human who's intentionally causing feelings of confusion, let down, and disappointment with their most important support systems in life. Here's why: research shows that emotional pain and physical pain share a number of neural pathways/activate the same regions of the brain.

In this spirit, I have two thoughts:

1) Let's eliminate "I don't have time" from our vocabularies. It's the lazy sibling's version of a much more accurate "I don't make time." The same is true for "I was busy." "Oh? Not me." said no one ever. The race to the "busy bottom" is uninspired...we're better than this, amirite?

2) Let's treat digital communication like in-person communication. Would you completely disregard someone who just asked you a question/made a conversational observation to your face? No. On second thought: mostly no. If someone, for example, told you "You look like Yasmine Bleethe from here up[gestures to nose/cheeks region]," then you have every right to stare blankly and not respond. (<---- This actually happened to me!)

That's all, folks. Here's to starting an unbreakable streak of being a fantastic communicator!