21: The Power of Self-Regulation and Calling In Our Loved Ones
How often do you look at someone else’s behavior and think: “Well if I were them, I’d do that differently”?
You see a parent ignore her screaming child and think, “If that were my kid, I would acknowledge their pain and calm them down.”
Your boss sends you a cryptic email and you think, “If I were in charge, I’d provide clearer instructions.”
Your friend goes back to her cheating ex, again, and you think “If I were her, I wouldn’t give him the time of day.”
You see an uncle share a Facebook post and cringe, saying “If that were my husband, here’s what I’d say.”
It’s natural to see things from our own point of view. And yet this one thought pattern is our single biggest obstacle to clear communication, deeper understanding, unconditional love, self-mastery, and social progress.
Someone posts something people disagree with or clumsily expresses an opinion and we’re quick to judge and slow to question. We cast accusations, regardless of whether they have merit. We jump to outrage…pointing fingers and yelling “here’s the bad person—RIGHT HERE,” as though there are only good people--those who agree with me--and bad people--those who don’t agree with me.
There’s no gray area, which is a problem because life just isn’t this clear-cut. It’s full of ambiguity. This approach—this belief that the way to make change is to be as judgmental as possible about other people—is wholly ineffective. Shame is seldom (and maybe never?) an effective strategy. In fact, it breeds cycles of harm, not change.
People tend to see cancellation or call-outs as either wholly good — “Hey! There are new consequences for saying or doing bigoted or otherwise untenable things.” — or wholly bad “People can lose their reputations and in some cases their jobs, all because a person or a group has taken undue offense to a careless or out-of-context remark.”
I think we’re losing sight of something much bigger, more powerful, and more important: the power of self-regulation and calling in others. In episode 21, we’re exploring it all and paving a way forward to create the conditions for healing, growth, and positive social change.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE
The value in calling out others
Why “love” via social media can be toxic
How to de-center ourselves as a reference point in our minds
How to appreciate our loved ones for who they really are
How to respond to ours and others thoughts, feelings, and actions
LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Click here to see the transcript!
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In this episode, Meghan discusses the questions we tend to ask ourselves as we approach the new calendar year. She explains that these are the questions for which purpose is the answer. Who we are today is not the same as who we were yesterday and who we’ll be tomorrow. Yet, paradoxically, we are exactly the same person we were yesterday and will be tomorrow. This is one of a few key paradoxes of purpose that Meghan explores in this episode. Sit back, enjoy the holiday feels, and join Meghan as she gives us a preview of where we’re going with Bullshift in 2022!